Al makes kind of an obvious point. (Except if you’re this guy!)

But don’t we do that quite often in fact? Think back to various periods of your life and what you did: school (maths, speeches, athletics, art), various things our parents made us do (piano, cleaning, lawns, homework), things we tried ourselves (art, making stuff, dancing, photography), etc etc.

Some things we loved and some, well, it just never seemed to click. But if you were anything like me, you didn’t use that information to discover vital insights into your individual strengths and focus on those, you felt a bit embarrassed or bored or annoyed or frustrated and carried on anyway, just feeling a tiny bit crap about yourself.

And what about work? Many of us are toiling away in jobs that really don’t harness our strengths enough or at all. Many of us don’t even know what our strengths are.

Happy worker

Marcus Buckingham, author of Now Discover Your Strengths, says this “You grow most in your areas of greatest strength. It sounds odd, but you will improve the most, be the most creative, be the most inquisitive, and bounce back the fastest in those areas where you have already shown some natural advantage over everyone else—your strengths. This doesn’t mean you should ignore your weaknesses. It just means you’ll grow most where you’re already strong.”

The problem for most of us is we’ve never really taken the time to work out what we ARE best at. When it comes to a career, many of us are influenced by external factors: the expectations of parents, the need to make money, the suggestions of others or what we perceive a particular job to involve. Some of us would even say we knew what we were good at but a closer look would show that we hadn’t really taken the time to figure out who we were enough to make an accurate assessment.

Now I’m not suggesting that work should press all your buttons all the time or even most of the time. But if you aren’t aware of your strengths, you won’t be able to look for opportunities to maximise the operation of those strengths.

Next week I’ll look at some examples of people who have liberated themselves from job-hatred hell by making small changes in their current job or by leaving the job altogether. But it begins with knowing what you’re good at and why you’re good at it.

If you’re the reading type, get Strengthsfinder 2.0 (on Amazon). It’s a good start.

But like probably anyone from a country that practices a much more vanilla version of politics (most people I know have voted several different parties in their lifetimes), I have watched the presidential elections over the years with perturbed fascination at the fervour that utterly consumes each candidate’s supporters. There are virtually no iconoclastic media forums, no yielding the slightest bit of validation to even the smallest policy detail raised by the opposition; people become so entrenched in their camps they have their toddlers declaring loyalty, and the whole thing – to the bewildered spectator – starts to look more like a civil war than a civilised process of electing a leader.

Loyal voter

I get that while it has ramped up in recent years, the US has practised a rabid version of partisanship for most of its political history and I know that there are those who say it keeps democracy working – the status quo is protected so that neither extreme ever take over. I can’t say I’m not in agreement with elements of this.

But what I find sad is that humanity seems to be left behind in the brutal fervour to align wholly with one political party. People become toxic. And not just Americans. I’ve witnessed some appalling insults being shared over social media over the past weeks. People who I respect (and still do) being just plain old nasty about other people. So I find myself wondering, when – in our differing opinions – did we get so mean?

The truth is, humans all fundamentally want/need the same things. We sure differ in our strategies to get there, but life is so wonderfully complex that there has never been one way to do anything and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous. Politics – while vital – is such a blunt instrument to truly effect change.  Yes, we are debating tremendously important issues but it is really the day to day treatment of one person to another times a few billion – that ultimately determines how this world is going to progress. So how does it help to slag off your neighbour because they have a differing view on taxation or health care?

Mitt Romney’s concession speech was impressive in its graciousness. And Obama’s speech – well, I felt like standing in my own living room in ovation at the end of it. He made the point, “We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions, and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. We are and forever will be the United States of America.” But after the ferocious campaigning and the derogatory methods employed to communicate positions, how many people can actually pull back and pull together on anything?

Can we not be human before we are political? Can we have robust argument without being mean? Can we not agree to disagree on matters of huge importance? Is there more than one way to see the world and be right?

I may be idealistic but I’d like to think that in even attempting some of this, we might find unity becomes a little more attractive. I’m certainly going to try.

Was it annoying? Yes.

Was I annoyed? Yes.

And it got me thinking. That person was completely oblivious as to the effect he was having on me. He was just going about his day, albeit in an annoying way. (Like the way Keira Knightley holds her mouth.) But really, it was my problem that I got annoyed.

Wouldn’t it be nice to never be annoyed by anyone? Ok, that may be aiming a little high, but wouldn’t it be nice to be LESS annoyed by annoying people? We all know people who talk or tweet every ten seconds about the annoyances they face at the hands of others, (which, in itself becomes quite annoying), and some of those things we really wouldn’t find particularly annoying ourselves and it seems a little like they’ve made being annoyed a hobby.

Fact: people who get annoyed easily by other people are, in general, less happy than those who don’t.

So here’s a thought. People are annoying, but we choose to be annoyed. Therefore we can choose NOT to be annoyed.

Hard? Perhaps.

Impossible? Certainly not!

Here’s a few tips:

Just decide in the moment – I’m not going to be annoyed by that.

Remember how annoying YOU can be (…hunting around for your hop card during rush hour commute with the whole bus staring at you, only to produce your visa and have to start the hunt again?)

Remedy the annoyance: if certain people’s twitter feeds annoy you, stop following them, if the hold times for ISP help lines are dragging, fold some washing or watch some telly, if the American in the cafe won’t shut up, put in your earphones… etc.

Laugh it off. There’s often something funny to be found in an annoying situation. Be a comedian for a moment.

Because, whether we like it or not, we are responsible for our own levels of annoyance. Annoying, but true.

And just like that, the early morning gym sessions stopped.

And just like that, the [insert some behaviour modification programme/goal, etc] stopped…

Momentum equals mass times velocity. Momentum is a force. Movement has a power of its own, which gets added to the thing moving. Quite a concept really.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a Hungarian psychologist who wrote Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He describes flow as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”

Well, who wouldn’t want that?

But before momentum comes groundwork. Groundwork isn’t fun, involves sweat (and often tears) and results are still a long way off.  Get ready for some hard work. If you  know that momentum will follow, you’ll be prepared for the work and be able to support yourself through those foundation setting days.

When I was 23 I gave up smoking and the subsequent weight gain prompted me to start running for the first time since my young teens (when exercise seemed as easy as breathing). My first run was mostly downhill, 8 minutes long and so excruciatingly painful that I burst into tears at the end, announcing that I was never going to do that again. And I still hurt the next day! Quitting time, surely.

Fortunately I have a mind that hates to be beaten (even by myself), so I decided I was going to beat this thing. But boy were those first few weeks/months gruelling. So to help myself out, I bought some new running gear, I drew up a schedule and I made someone else run with me for the first few weeks. These were all key to achieving momentum – that point where I had enough power from the movement that I could keep going without the help. I ran my first half-marathon 6 months later and have been a regular jogger ever since.

Now I know some of you are thinking bully for you. But be assured not every area of my life tells a similar story. We all have areas in which we struggle to achieve momentum. I’m about to apply the same supportive structures to another area of my vocational life that has been languishing for some time, in an attempt to do the groundwork for momentum to build.

Come on, let’s get the ball rolling.

Team building is any process of getting a group of people out of their normal working roles and taking them through a range of practices – formal or informal – which help them work together better.

But say the words “team building” and for most people it conjures up visions of awkward circles and cringe-worthy icebreakers. And there is some truth to this.  There are some tragic activities hoisted on people and you really need to get good savvy people who understand the culture of your workplace to help you.  No good trying to get a group of mechanics to hold hands and sing 10 green bottles.

But it’s never going to be comfortable to be taken out of your usual role, your usual tasks, your usual area – and be forced to relate in a different way.

So why do it at all?  Well, we all know what an unhealthy workplace looks like:  egos, insecurities, conflicting personalities, individuality, poor performing, the list goes on and everyone suffers.  Good team-building does help.

What sort of thing am I talking about and isn’t going out for a beer together enough?

Team socialising is definitely important and there’s an element of bonding that does occur there, particularly if there is some intentional mixing up of people.  I had a recent pool night with a work group and we were put with people we didn’t work with and it definitely created some collegiality.

But you need something a bit deeper too – to get people out of their cliques and thinking about the development of the team.  Doing temperament/personality assessments is really helpful in understanding different people’s impact on the team… Sometimes it’s good to realise that annoying Joan from accounts who is always badgering you for your invoices is has a unique temperament that means she actually likes numbers and focusing and details – thank goodness for her!

(And knowing what an ass you can be when you’re stressed, it’s in your interests that your workmates have a rounded perspective of who you are too.)

Problem-solving is another good one; simulating a problem that gets the group communicating, working together and putting aside their regular positions and roles.  Once you get over the manufactured nature of it, you’ll learn something.  You might even enjoy yourself.

The most crucial element is the facilitator.  You need to find the right person who will take some time to understand the culture of your particular workplace and will adapt the processes to fit the team.  Skilled facilitators can get even the most cynical individuals participating.

Also, team-building should be done in work time.  It’s an important part of workplace development and employees need to see that the investment is coming from the employer.  You are asking for resentful employees if you try and schedule this stuff in their time off.

However, if all the above boxes are ticked and you find you still can’t stand it, well, you’re not being asked to give up your Christmas holidays so take a concrete pill and harden up a little.

A helpful first step is to put it in perspective.  The sight of your boss’s back striding off out of the room following a terse retort might seem like a signal the universe is ending, but it’s really not.  There’s a cause and a solution to every problem.  You’re least likely to find it when you’re red faced and deeply frustrated.

This is about two things:  Your mistake/s and your boss’s reaction.

The mistake:  Get to the heart of the matter.  There’s this nifty little problem-solving tool called “5 Why”.  Originally developed by the founder of Toyota, Sakichi Toyoda, it basically gets you asking “Why” until you unearth the real source of problem. 

Eg:       I was late to pick up the kids (problem)

Why?    I misjudged the time.

Why?    My watch has stopped.

Why?    It needs a new battery. (solution)

Could be a host of different factors that are actually within your ability to change, or there may be larger issues, lack of funding, resources or poor systems contributing to the issue. Either way, you’ll be better equipped to deal objectively with the mistake if you know why it happened. 

As to your boss’s reaction – well, he or she is a person too.  Mistakes are irritating but you are on the same team.  Give it some space and then apologise!  Authentic specific apologies are underrated.  And give your boss feedback – and not just constructive criticism – be positive!  Just because you’re the boss, doesn’t mean you stop needing to be told you’re doing a good job.  Management is difficult and the only people who are going to really let you know how you’re doing is the people you’re managing.

Also, remember you don’t have to like your boss.  What are the reasons you are in this particular place of work?  Not because you want to marry your boss!  Outline for yourself the advantages to you being there and focus on those. 

It is important to talk about it with someone removed from the situation.  Many professions, particularly in the health sector, have supervision – a relationship whereby work is discussed with another person in the same profession – as a means of internal regulation.  I like the idea of this in any profession.

Try not to get emotional in the moment.  There will be emotion (anger, tears, etc) and it’s important to get that out somewhere neutral and safe (emotions get buried alive – if you don’t express them somewhere safe they’ll pop out in all sorts of inappropriate ways and places eventually).  But right there and then, not constructive.

Don’t slag off your boss to others.  Most bosses are not making your life miserable intentionally.  Plus, you never know who you’re talking to so denigrating talk is a bad habit to cultivate.

Of course there will be situations that are not going to change.  If your relationship with your boss has become toxic, you might want to consider your options.  If you feel you are reaching this stage or being treated unfairly, consider getting some advice and keep a record of all interactions.

Today, at 12.51pm, we will stop what we are doing and spend 2 minutes silently reflecting on the people of Christchurch who have been affected by the massive earthquake that shook the city exactly one week earlier.

We are a nation of go-getters.  Pioneers by nature and heritage (most of us anyway) who cast aside trouble and hardship and press on with the task at hand.  She’ll be right, mate.

As such, when faced with a tragedy of the proportions we have just witnessed in Christchurch, we like to offer solutions, a forward-looking perspective, something to move people on from the place of grief or sadness they find themselves in.  It makes us feel better to offer something and we think it will make them feel better too.

I’m not talking about doing stuff.  Obviously our kiwi spirit has come into its own in that regard and we are all rallying around those in need and working like trojans (those in the region) and giving money selflessly (those elsewhere).  For those who are practically minded, there’ll always be things you can do to help.  But I’m talking about those conversations you have with people in pain.  The listening and the “just being” with people which is as important as the practical stuff and yet, so much harder to do well.

Lizzy and Kent Manning (and Dad Jonathon) hear the news of their Mum Donna's death in the CTV building.

Often, in times of great sorrow and trauma, sufferers need us to join them in that place of sadness – to share it with them for a moment.

Sometimes it’ll be just about hearing what is being said behind what is actually being said.  For example:

“I’m so lucky it’s just my house that is destroyed and not my family… but it’s going to be hard.” [I'm really struggling with this but trying desperately to look at the good]

We’re often tempted to give this sort of response:  “Hey, at least it’s not the whole house – look, you’ve still got use of the back wing!!” Or … “Don’t cry my love… it’ll be alright…” Or … “It’s going to be fine – look, why don’t you see it as an adventure…”

A better response is:  “I’m so sorry you’re going through this… I can’t imagine what it must be like… I’m here for you, whatever you need.” Or even … “I just don’t know what to say, this is so hard…”

And in doing so, we sit with them in that place where there IS no solution just now, just loss. It can be counter-intuitive for us to not offer advice, a solution or even a different perspective.  It may even make us feel awkward.  But that’s what sharing grief is all about.  It has to be endured.

In due course advice and action will be warranted.  But there is an appropriate time and we MUST listen to the people as to when that is.

Let’s all join in with the grief of Christchurch today at 12.51pm.  It’s not about solution; it’s about honouring the place of pain so many of our fellow kiwis find themselves in right now.  In doing so, we empower them to keep going.

It was one of those kiwi summer charmers of a day, gentle breeze keeping the sun from broiling us, while cicadas, children and clinking glasses blended softly with the music.  The jazz notes seeped through the whole park, picking up any and every movement – no matter how uneven – of man and nature, so the whole place seemed to be shuffling to the beat.

I like the sound of that...

And that’s jazz isn’t it.  Defined only by its inability to be defined, save vague references to its mongrel origins, its improvisation, spontaneity, counter-melodies and unique – or should I say rebellious – relationship to traditional time signatures.  All notes and beats are welcome.

And yet the net result is so pleasing to the ear (mostly!) and completely enhances a lovely relaxing afternoon in the sunshine.  One of our group even fell asleep.  (Was going to post that pic but I’m fairly keen on a long and prosperous life.)

Other people are like jazz notes to us.  Unpredictable, quirky, never quite behaving how we think they’re going to, bending our expectations according to their particular personality or penchant.  We are so preoccupied with our own note’s sound, that we don’t notice the counter-notes or recognise their contribution to an overall mix.  I’d like to suggest that people’s individual notes each have some value, and in their entirety they can be – by virtue of their very other-ness to us – an attractive ensemble (mostly!).

I’m going to do a few posts on people’s various talents and personalities over the next few weeks.  Everyone has their own notes to contribute to a complex jazz piece, it’s just that we seldom notice notes other than our own.  Some of us don’t even know our own notes.

Sometimes we need to spend a little time looking at the different parts to comprehend their uniqueness; then we need to spend a little time looking at the whole to appreciate their contribution.

Vidal Sassoon, the man who invented modern hairdressing, says the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

Thomas Edison agrees: “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.”

Speaking of perspiration, in 2008, inspired by Ultramarathon Man by Dean Karnazes, I decided to do the London marathon. For about 6 months, I became a badged up member of the endurance running community. It was an education into an intense, (bordering on irrational), new culture which I discovered to be strangely consuming.

Interestingly, all the experts repeatedly promote rest in training… almost to a “when in doubt, rest” degree. Apparently there is a much greater problem with over-doing it than under-doing it in endurance running. It might be weird for most of us to hear that resting is a difficult task for marathon runners, but the reality is that the very drivenness that fuels their desire for and capability in such a sport, is also their greatest challenge when it comes to equally important recovery time. In the words of one world-class marathoner: “I hate resting.”

There are interesting parallels between the mind of an endurance runner and the mind of a business person. There is a wonderful tenacity found in successful business people that almost seems to thrive on hard work. And we certainly live in an increasingly competitive working culture that encourages us to DO more, do it harder and for longer.

Newton’s first law of motion states that a body at rest remains at rest and a body in linear motion remains in motion with constant velocity until and unless an external force is applied on it. Kind of like us really. You know that saying, “if you want something done, give it to a busy person.”

Put your feet up

Experienced marathon runners build rest periods into their training schedule with as much discipline as any other aspect of their training.

Do we?  What is rest?  I think it is doing nothing; stopping.

So STOP! Even when things are crazy busy or deadlines are looming or you have a presentation coming up, or you’re down on staff, or you’re about to launch, or when it’s totally in your interests and energy levels to keep going… stop. Stop thinking, stop planning, stop worrying, just STOP.

I am fully rested after my long holiday (some days I actually had two naps… yes, two) and I am determined to build some rest into my regular week this year.  Not leisure, but rest.  And if you are someone to whom rest is a foreign concept it might be a good decision to do the same. You’ll be better, faster and stronger.  Who wouldn’t want that for 2011?!

Mall madness

I say dislike because no one appears to be enjoying themselves so if they are having a good time, they’re doing so deep down inside and wearing a pretty convincing “p** off” mask.

Are we annoyed with ourselves because we’ve waited until the pressure of time has landed like a fridge on our delicate pre-Christmas schedule?

Is it the end-of-year-can’t-take-one-more-inconvenience nerves that really truly need isolation and relaxation, not millions of equally stressed shoppers who we don’t know from Adam and therefore do not know the URGENCY of our particular situation?

Is it the swollen carparks that bring out the beast within as we find ourselves cursing some poor solo Mum with 10 kids because she swung into a free space when we had our indicator on?

Is it the fact that despite thinking about it for what seems like hours, we still don’t have the foggiest what to buy for Uncle Dave and he’s starting to look like a right pain in the neck and why should we be forced to buy him something for the sake of it anyway when he clearly doesn’t need anything?

Is it the budget that has had to come in several belt-notches this year while the corresponding creativity levels viz-a-viz presents just hasn’t performed, and now we are thinking enviously of those rich folks who do all their shopping at Smith & Caugheys as we trudge aimlessly around K-Mart?

Christmas morning present opening smiles

It’s all these things isn’t it.  And in the whole hideous affair, we totally lose sight of the fact

that we are investing in Christmas fun.  It’s all about seeing a laugh of delight or a knowing smile (or even a wry grimace) on Christmas Day as the recipient opens that gift and we finally receive the reward for all that anguish.

Bizarre really.  Gift-buying is usually not linked with pain and suffering.  Only at Christmas.

It’s 23 December today so most of you will have already completed the mission.  But for those of you who are facing the biggest of all shopping challenges – the Christmas Eve Gauntlet – try and project yourself to the Christmas Day part, grab an egg-nogg latte, put on a smile and deck the malls with boughs of jolly… even the odd twig would do.

Merry Christmas shoppers.